Death Note compilation Humor
by Scion-of-Thanatos
Summary: Completed as of 02/2009. Light and co. make some odd discoveries in the world of Deathnote.
1. Chapter 1: Soccer moms

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own the manga (or anime, movie, ect) Death Note. this is only fiction. no one was harmed during the making of this fiction... except me, because I sat on a tack...

_Death Note_

_Soccer moms…._

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"People, I'm glad you all could make it" The detective, L, spoke, his voice low so as not to arouse suspicion from only-god-knows-who with him. "You see, I have some very bad news.."

His retainer, known as Watari, spoke up after gaining the attention of the occupants of the room; Light, Misa and the other detectives assigned to the Kira case. "As you all know, the manga 'Death Note' is highly violent and is unsuitable for younger readers" the older man stopped so as to make certain that he wasn't being ignored.

"And even though there is a age rating on the books, parents who are too stupid to check the reading material of their children and have allowed the purchase of these books, and are now blaming the bookstores for not warning them and for allowing these children to buy said books" Watari finished, looking around the room at the other occupants.

"Let me guess.. America?" Light drawled sarcastically.

"Light… are you psychic?" L asked, his eyes widening slightly, so much so that the others actually noticed..

"I wish I was.."

L cleared his throat before speaking, "The person responsible for this complaint happens to be a soccer mom, for your information.. If you were wondering, that is.."

"This isn't fair! Isn't there anything we can do?" Misa shouted.

"No, unfortunately.. Just because one soccer mom complains, that must mean that she has one million backers" L muttered, glaring at the floor.

The room fell silent as everyone pondered their situation, none of the detectives having any ideas surface at all.

Suddenly, Light broke the silence, asking L the fateful question.

"What was the soccer mom's name again?"

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**A/N** Okay, not really a note, but bear with me... it's a rant.. this came into existence because I had the extreme unfortune to get stuck behind a soccer mom complaining that her child was reading a suggestive manga at home, and that she did not know that there was an age rating on the book... It was enough to make me scream out loud and catch her attention, only to be met with these words...

"what is your problem!" God, please help us..or at least the smart ones...


	2. Chapter 2: Eyesight is importent

Death Note

Eyesight is important to my plan….

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"Okay.. And there, I'm done!" Light exclaimed, closing the small black note book on his desk in front of him, hiding said object in his desk before getting out of his chair and stretching.

"I wrote down two weeks worth of names tonight, so I shouldn't have to worry for a few days" the young man muttered something incoherent before turning to face some books laying on his bed, "Which is probably a good thing, seeing as I've been neglecting my studies.."

As the boy in question went over to his bed, hoping to finish his studying for the night, his peaceful night was ruined as the voice of his sister echoed from downstairs.

"Light! Mom needs help with the lights!" his younger sister, Sayu, hollered.

After yelling his acknowledgment of Sayu's words, he begrudgingly stood up, heading down to the kitchen where his mother was currently looking up at the lights in the kitchen, the room bathed in darkness.

"Why doesn't someone turn on a light in here?" He asked, grinning sarcastically in the inky darkness.

"Light, the ceiling lights just went out, and we just changed the bulbs a few days ago" his mother said, feeling around in the pitch black room for the exit.

After leaving the room and grabbing a flashlight and step ladder, Light proceeded to climb up, taking the protective shielding off as he shone the luminous beam on the bulbs.

"Ah, there's the problem! One of the bulbs slipped out of place, that's all-"

Those were the last words that came from light's mouth. He succeeded at fixing the problem, however, his mother neglected to warn him that she hadn't turned the off the power to the bulbs, and with the bright flash of light so close to his eyes, he stumbled backwards, falling off the ladder, and onto the floor holding his face in agony.

A few days later.

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"I can't believe that Kira was taken down by a light bulb, of all things" Light muttered under his breath, his eyes covered in white bandages.

"Hehe, well light, It's a good thing you wrote down two weeks worth, right?" Ryuk, the Shinigami laughed as he looked at the poor, blinded teenager.

"Ryuk, I have been defeated by a light bulb! And now, the NPA will close in on me and I'm helpless because of this.."

"Well, Even though I'm not usually supposed to help you, I think I can at least continue this fun a different way! What if I told you I had something for just this type of occasion?"

Light looked in the direction of the voice, "You mean to tell me, that you had something to help me in a situation like this all along and you-never mind that! So, do I have to give you something in return?"

"Nope! Not a thing!"

"Then what are you waiting for, Ryuk, go and get it!" Light spoke, gritting his teeth as the shinigami left the room, reappearing after only a few seconds, a note book just like the original death note, albeit, thicker and for some reason, sounding as though it was full of metal-like objects.

The book was put into Light's out stretched hands, the young man feeling his way around the book for a few seconds before opening it.

"Oh, haha Ryuk, veeery funny.." Light drawled sarcastically, the realization hitting him like a ten ton truck.

"What? Never heard of brail before?"

**Oh what an end..**

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**A/N** Well, that was just wrong on so many levels! Okay, Scion out!

Oh, and don't expect anything to long in the Death Note catagory for me, as I'm not to big on writing any thing of the sort where DN is concerned, sorry! I do Humor here, though!

Read, perhaps review I dunno, your choice!


	3. Chapter 3: Watch where you write

A quick note, this happens before both Kiras are in L's custody and Light gives the death note up. Disclaimer: I don't own it, nope, just the manga that I purchased, that's it! I'm not rich, so suing me won't getcha anything but cobwebs, sorry.

Death Note

Why they should watch where they write.

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"Oh, I can't wait for tomorrow!" Misa screamed, well, shrieked is more like it, as she practically bounced off the walls of her bedroom. "I can't actually believe Light asked me out on a date! Just the two of us, alone at the fair! It'll be so romantic!" 

The girl jumped onto her bed, landing softly on the mattress before rolling onto her back and closing her eyes. "Oh! I should write the time down so I don't forget, like I could forget my Light" she cooed, looking around the room for a piece of paper.

"I have to have something around here! I just bought a notepad earlier today!"

As she wondered around the room, she came upon a notebook that was opened, the front folded over behind the book, showing the pages within.

"Aha! Found it! Now, I just have to write down the time.."

After a few minutes of writing down the info, and drawing hearts and putting hers and Lights full names inside them, she placed the book in the nightstand drawer.

The next day.

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"This was certainly unexpected, to say the least" 

"Yeah, you're right Ryuk"

"Who the hell expected the second Kira to actually take the first Kira out?"

The two death gods hovered above the bus down below them, watching as two stretchers were taken over to the waiting ambulance, the victims having suffered heart attacks only minutes before.

"Boy, was this unexpected, or what?"

Across town, in the nightstand drawer, the note book sat, the page that Misa had written on still opened, and on the page where the words that condemned the two teens..

'Light Yagami and Misa Amane forever.. Tomorrow at two-thirty pm, meet on the bus.'

Back at the accident

"If only she didn't doodle on the page, maybe they might have survived"

Ryuk started chortling, "Or maybe, If she hadn't been thinking of them together at the fair today?"

The end..

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**A/N:** This is a minute work of mine, meaning that I thought it up in only five minutes and wrote it about the same time. Sorry if it doesn't make sense, I can't really remember all the DN rules but I think I got it right. 

It made me laugh, but that's me..


	4. Chapter 4: Plushies!

**Disclaimer:** Repeat after me: I do not own this. go sue someone elsefor money if you need it that badly. now read this fic! Oh, and this definetly isn't canon, so don't ask about that.

**DeathNote: **Plushies!

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The door to L's, Light's and Misa's pseudo-apartment flew open. Watari, the culprit, stood in the doorway with a large box, the contents of which were unknown to all.

"They're here! They finally arrived!" Watari shouted, causing a mass of humans to flood over to the entryway as he placed the box on the floor. As L arrived at the doorway, he slowly reached down and cut the tape off the large box with a pocket knife he had grabbed off the small stand nearby.

"I can't wait" L spoke in a monotone voice, in stark contrast to Misa's wild and gleeful screams, "I can't wait to have one of me!" he spoke softly, reaching to grab one of the small objects, examining it at face level.

"An 'L' doll… they captured my likeness perfectly" he spoke, not once showing an emotion other then stoicism, "and what about Misa Misa's doll? Did they capture her likeness?"

Misa grabbed one of the plush dolls out of the box and held it close to her chest, "Yep! It looks so real! They did a great job with these!"

Watari looked at L, "The company said that these dolls would be shipped out by tomorrow morning to consumers everywhere around the world! Think of the money we'll make!"

At that precise time, Light waltzed up, glancing down at Misa,and noticing something rather interesting concerning her doll as he picked one up out of the box.

"Well, they certainly did a GREAT job detailing you, Misa! Why, I'd almost suspect them of watching you undress" he smirked as he continued to look at the upside down doll, catching his 'girlfriend's attention.

"What are you-" she stopped, her face growing several shades of red as she looked up her doll's skirt, shouting something so loud, Light could only make out the words "They'll pay for this!" before watching as Misa ran out of the room, her destination already known as her 'manager' set out to catch up with her.

Two hours later, after Misa became a suspect in an unrelated murder case to her ongoing KIRA investigation, the group sat around, admiring their likeness portrayed in doll form.

"Hey, I just realized that there's no doll of me!" Light spoke up, burying his face in the box as he dug through the hundreds of plushies that littered the container, trying to find one with his likeness.

"No offense, Light-kun, but one with your likeness would scare customers away" L spoke flatly.

"Yeah, you don't have the type of face that screams 'innocent and pure-hearted' Light, no offense meant!" Misa added the apology quickly, watching as Light tried to deny their testimonies.

"That's not true! I'm very cute! And they could have included a mini 'Death note' as a small bonus!"

L turned to face Light, his face remaining his usual blank stare, "Light-kun?"

"Yeah, Ryuzaki?"

"What's a 'Death note'?"

The group now turned to face a new occupant of the room, listening to the sounds of baby talk and 'It's so cute!" coming from where they left the box.

"You cannot be serious. You mean to say, that he's less off-putting then me?" Light spoke, pointing at the shinigami sitting near the box, cradling a small doll with his likeness.

"But Ryuk's sooo adorable! And-" Misa shut up, looking at Light as he began to pound his fists against the wall, crying as the rest of the occupants went on with their lives.

Ryuk turned around as soon as everybody left, looking over at Light before speaking, "Aren't I adorable?"

That night, Light worked furiously at his deathnote, writing Ryuk's name over and over, hoping beyond hope that it would take effect.

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**A/N:** Okay, the idea would be rather cool, to have Death Note plushies, but I think we can all agree that a Light doll would not be put out on the desk top, or where ever, but would sit in the deepest spot in our closets, due to the creepy factor there would be in owning one. on a plus side; I'd really like to own one of those 'Misa' dolls, that be rather 'interesting'.

Oh, and yes, I'm a male.

And I feel so bad for Light right now...


End file.
